The Struggle

I have a problem, I say as I bite my lip.

What’s up man? Spill!

So I started with, I like this guy….

ooooohhhhhh details pls!!!

Rolling my eyes as I say, Chill guys it’s nothing serious. It’s just, he makes me smile a lot, you know? 

Mmmm-hmmm?!?!??!??!

Nothing really, I just can’t get enough of him! Like everytime I see him I just want to hug him forever, because in his arms I find peace. Everytime he looks at me, I feel like I want to scream, because guuuurl you’ve got to see those cute little eyes of his! And that smile, omg that caring smile when he sees that I’m uncomfortable or whatever, is the most assuring thing in the world. If I could just kiss him all day, I would, because those lips are amaaziiiing and weirdly addicting. And that little laugh he makes when he bites me, as a sort of apology. Plus I love that he holds my hand all the time. Jeesuus I’ve got to chill, but I’m not like obsessed or anything creepy and all. I don’t know man, he makes me feel good, like every freaking thing in the world stands still when I’m with him. You have no idea what I have to go through to act relaxed, and not like jump him and kiss him or hug him, or whatever… the struggle is insanely real!

Girllll u r hooked! You gotta detach yourself a little tho, you don’t wanna freak him out!

Sighs, I know I know, but how?

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Happy Place

It’s 55 minutes after 1 am, and it won’t stop raining. 

I have class in 8 hrs, and I’ve been tossing and turning for hours but luck’s not on my side tonight.

A gush of cold air passes by as I wrap myself around the thickest of blankets.

I closed my eyes, did a couple deep breaths, and tried my hardest to relax. Think of your happy place, Ali. It doesn’t work, something seems to distract me. 

*deep sigh* hello uninvited stranger, what must you want from me again?

You turned around, and looked at me like I was some hidden treasure you finally found. With a big sigh of relief you came closer, smiling widely, and without saying a word you gave me the most passionate kiss I ever had in my entirety as a human. 

Caught off guard and obviously breathless, I stared at your eyes, and whispered I missed you, slowly, word after word. You hugged me, tight, just the way you always did, and just the way I always liked it. 

30 min. in my state of day dreaming, I realized why you were here, why you won’t leave, and why I won’t let go either… I found my happy place and it feels soo right this time. 

A night out

She met a guy who wasn’t her type. A few hours later she was already demanding for more attention from him. Realizing she only does this when she’s attracted to someone, she ends up confused. 

What’s happening here? she exclaimed. I don’t like him….right? I never go for guys like him, I mean he’s not even tall, awkward and skinny! But why do I feel like I’m being pulled closer and closer by the minute? Oh Shit.

Talking to herself now, making excuses about her attraction. Maybe… maybe it’s just my desire to have somebody care for me, no one specific. ORRRR Maybe there’s like some vodoo spell going on here! Or maybe you just plainly like him, her heart whispers, give him a chance. So she did.

Fast forward through the night, as they were both having a good time, the guy was showing signs of attraction as well. Feeling confident as ever, she assumed  that everything was mutual, that they were on the same page. As they found a corner all for themselves, she thanked him with a flirty smile, and she got a very tight hug back that made her entire body ache with huge joy. 

As she arrived home with a stupid grin on her face, she looked at herself in the mirror and made an imaginary pat on her back, good job self we did it! But after a few happy minutes passed, a thought popped up in her mind… what if this was all for fun? Nothing serious, just a temporary jolt of euphoria, not meant to last. And she carefully sat on  the couch, slouched slowly, with a heavy sigh she pulled out her favorite light blue lighter and lit a stick of marlboro black.